Markus kļuvis par todleri/ Markus Become a Toddler

DSC_0032aAnglijā ir kāds bērnu attīstības posmam veltīts vārds, kas izsaka visu, kas biedē vecākus un izsauc līdzjūtību apkārtējos – TODDLER. Man šķiet, ka tas pat vairāk izsaka kā teenager/pusaudzis, jo visus todlera jociņus un spociņus vecāki izjūt tieši uz savas ādas.

Vakar pie skolas runājos ar kādu mammu, kura atzina, ka šobrīd ir ļoti pārgurusi. Viņas ģimenē arī aug 5 gadīga meita un gandrīz 2gadīgs dēls. Viņa atzina, ka ar mazo šobrīd ir ļoti grūti un ka vienīgais mierinājums – man ir jāiztur šis gads. Pienāks 3 gadu jubileja, un viss būs beidzies. Bērns būs kļuvis savaldīgāks, prognozējamāks, spēs izteikt sevi verbāli un nebūs vairs vienīgā komunikācijas forma – bļaušana, mešana, asaras. Tieši to pašu domu nesen pamanīju, kad 100to reizi skatījos Sex and City 2. Filmas beigās Šarlote saprata, ka viņai vairs nebija ne par ko jāuztraucas, jo Roza, viņu divgadniece, svinēja trešo dzimšanas dienu.

Arī Markus savā gadā un 9 mēnešos šo slieksni ir pārkāpis. Reizēs, kad Markus var paprasīt, ko grib, izsaka skaidri savas vajadzības un saņem atbildes, skaidrojumus, kad ir izgulējies, paēdis, sauss un ieinteresēts, tad ir vieglās dienas vai, precīzāk sakot, vieglie dienas posmi. Bet nekad nevar zināt, kad tas mainīsies. Reizēm šķiet, ka vecāki ir tādi mazo darba devēja pakļautie. Kamēr viss tiek darīts pēc norādēm, tikmēr ir labi. Tādās reizēs es saku, ka Markus ir mans mīļais boss (par ko viņš reizēm smejas vēderu turēdams, jo, šķiet, ka zina labāk par mums šo attiecību veidu). Bosa prasības progresē un ne vienmēr saskan ar vecāku viedokli, un tad bosam nāk palīgā bļaušana, raudāšana, gulšanās zemē, priekšmetu mešana pa gaisu, dusmas… Tieši tāpat kā vēlāk pusaudžu vecumā vai arī nereti mums, pieaugušajiem, protams, daudz kontrolētākā veidā. Man ir pārliecība, ka bēdas, dusmas, nesaprašanos, greizsirdību ir arī jāizdzīvo, jālaiž ārā, jāizsāp. Tāpēc, ja redzat lielveikalā guļošu un brēcošu bērnu, atcerieties- viņš attīrās no negatīvā sevī, un viņš uzveiks šo dzīves posmu, gūs ļoti daudz pieredzes savai turpmākajai dzīvei. Bet vecākiem uzsmaidiet, lai ir sajūta, ka arī viņus kāds saprot, ka ir tāda vienība kā todleru vecāki.

DSC_0137aIn English there is a word, which is well known, which can frighten, which can evoke sympathy, compassion and understanding from others, and it is a TODDLER. I think it is even more expressive word than a “teenager”, because of its disrupting or lack of communication possibilities.

Yesterday, near the school gates I talked to one of the mums who said that at the moment she is very exhausted. She has a 5 year old daughter and almost 2 year old son, the same age as Markus. She said that she has very hard time with her son and the only consolation is, ‘’we have to survive this year. He will be 3, and everything will be over.’’ At 3 the child will be more communicative, more predictable; he/she will be able to express him/herself verbally, and crying, throwing, laying on the floor… will no longer be the only form of communication forms. Exactly the same concept recently I noticed when for the 100th time I watched Sex and the City 2, where Charlotte’s daughter Rose is a real toddler and at the end of film, when Rose celebrates her 3rd Birthday, Charlotte learnt, that she hasn’t to worry about anything… And Rose turned 3. Terrible two’s is passed.

Markus also is reached a toddler stage in his one year and nine months. If Markus can ask what he wants, if clearly expresses his needs and get answers, explanations, if he slept well, ate well, his nappy is changed and he is entertained then the day is easy or, more precisely, easy stages of the day. But you never know when it will change. Sometimes it seems that parents are the small employee to their children. As long as everything is done how he wants, meanwhile, is good. At such times I say that Markus is my beloved boss (at which he sometimes laughing because it seems that he knows what his role is). Boss’s requirements progress evolve and not always in the same way as the parents’ views, and the boss comes to help crying, laying on the ground, throwing objects in the air, anger … The same as teenagers or even us, adults, just, of course, in a much more controlled manner . I have a belief that grief, anger, misunderstanding, jealousy is inside in everyone, and it is better if it comes out. Therefore, if you see screaming children in a shop, remember-he/she clears himself from the negative. They will grow out of this stage soon, and hopefully will have a good first lesson how to manage their feelings. And don’t forget to give a smile to a parent, who tries to deal with these tantrums. I think they (me-for sure) need a feeling that there is a toddler parent community.

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